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Sunday, 30 December 2012

Happy New Year!

Gosh! New year is approaching and it is making me nervous!

There are several reasons:

1. I am getting one year older each time and that means I have to start finding a way to get rid of all the wrinkles, laugh lines, eye bags, chubbiness, fats, saggy look etc.....
2. My last year's resolution still has not been fulfilled and now I have to add another one for the new year?! Urghh..... It doesn't make any sense!
3. With the new year, it means that I have longer responsibility and tasks list. I am not only a wife but also a mother, a wife and a worker and this list will go endlessly. You tell me....

These are among the major things. There are other things that are bothering me too but unfortunately, I cannot mention it here. Chill! Urghhhh..... it's killing me! Haha....

Well, regardless of the situation, life goes on and I would like to wish each and everyone of you....

Happy New Year!!!!!!
May the new year brings you prosperity and happiness!

Sunday, 28 October 2012

Oktober 2012

Oktober sudah pun nak melabuhkan tirainya. Personally, Oktober kali ini merupakan bulan yang penuh pancaroba. Hapiness and sadness semuanya bercampur aduk. Macam-macam benda yang berlaku.

Pada bulan ini juga, I had my 36th birthday celebration and I thank Allah for another beautiful year of my life.

Apapun, I count my blessings rather than whining. May my life after this is merrier and more meaningful.

Dear God, please forgive me for all my sins and please fill my heart with Iman dan taqwa. Please protect my children and my family in this life and in the hereafter. Amin.

Eid and My Personal Reflection

Dulu masa kat Scotland, tiap kali nak sambut raya pasti kami suami isteri akan bertungkus lumus buat persiapan daripada pakaian, kuih muih, rumah, dsb agar raya di situ tampak sama meriah mcm di Malaysia. Kami berusaha untuk create suasana supaya anak anak tak terasa asing apabila beraya jauh daripada tanah air. kami akan memasak sampai ke pagi. Pelbagai jenis lauk dan juadah. In addition, kami juga buat kuih sendiri dan macam macam lagi. Malam raya pulak orang lelaki akan bertakbir dari rumah ke rumah. Malah, bila tibanya hari raya, kami akan beramai-ramai berkumpul di masjid untuk beribadah, berjumpa dan beraya bersama-sama. malah, setibanya di rumah, kami akan sibuk melayan tetamu hingga ke tgh malam. Memang sangat sangat penat. Kemudian kami akan berkunjung pula ke rumah kawan kawan yg lain. Untuk Eidul Adha, kami tidak lupa untuk berkorban. Most of the time, lembu dan kambing biri biri lah. Masa tu, we feel that we are so distant and yet so close. Tapi pada masa yang sama tu jugak rindu pada tanahair membuak-buak. Almaklumlah suasana raya di Malaysia pasti meriah dengan sanak saudara di sekeliling.


Bila dah balik Malaysia ni, perasan membuak-buak tu tiada. For me, tiada bezanya raya di mana-mana pun. Jauh di sudut hati, I just felt that raya kat Scotland lebih meriah dan seronok. Walaupun berada di tempat asing tanpa sanak saudara, raya lebih bermakna dan meriah. malah, barang-barang keperluan untuk memasak lagi senang dicari walaupun harga agak jauh lebih mahal. Walaupun kami berada dalam komuniti kecil, masing-masing berusaha untuk get together and celebrate Eid. I must say, jauh beza perasaan beraya di Scotland dan di Malaysia.

Personally, here in malaysia, we take things for granted. We do not appreciate things that we have and eventually, Eid has lost its beauty. This festive season has become less special and today Eid dah jadi lebih 'relax'. personally, saya rasa Eid mcm tak ada apa apa pun. In addition, banyak amalan2 baik yang kita sudah tinggalkan. In fact, There are some of us who would rather stay at home and watch tv during Eid and I must say that it happens for both Eidul fitri and Eidul Adha. For some of us too, raya is just about 'cuti' or taking time off from work.

So I ask myself, why this happens? Why do I feel this way? Am I not a true Muslim should I feel this way? Is Eid culturally constructed?

In Islam, Eid is not merely a festival but a act of devotion to God. Perhaps, we have to look at ourselves and do check and balance so that we can improve ourselves.

Eid Mubarak everyone! Wa kulla aamin wa antum bihairin...

Tuesday, 16 October 2012

How A Muslim Should Deal With Stress and Anxiety

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Stress is life. Stress is anything that causes mental, physical, or spiritual tension. There is no running away from it. All that matters is how you deal with it. This article does not deal with the factors of stress, anxiety, and depression, nor is it a clinical advice. If you feel depressed, you are not alone. It has been estimated that 75 to 90 percent of all visits to primary care physicians in America are for stress-related problems. This is why it is wise to consult a doctor if you are having physical symptoms of stress. However, here are some tips that can help from a spiritual perspective.

Torture. Beatings. Loss of property. The death of loved ones. These were
just some of the enormous challenges the Muslims of Makkah faced in the
seventh century following their acceptance of Islam in fiercely tribal and
polytheistic Makkah.

Detention. Harassment. Beatings. Discrimination. Loss of Job. Profiling.
Hate Crimes. Constant media attention. Surveillance. These are just some of
the challenges Muslims in America today face, post-9/11. Like our
predecessors in Makkah, we have begun to face great stress, anxiety, and
pressure, more than ever in our recent history on this continent, although
Muslims who were brought here as slaves faced worse than what we can even imagine.

1. Ask Him. He Listens: DU`A

Turn each anxiety, each fear and each concern into a Dua (supplication). Look at it as another reason to submit to God and be in Sajdah (prostration), during which you are closest to Allah. God listens and already knows what is in your heart, but He wants you to ask Him for what you want.

The Prophet said: Allah is angry with those who do not ask Him for anything

The Prophet once said that in prayer, he would find rest and relief (Nasai). He would also regularly ask for God's forgiveness and remain in prostration during prayer praising God (Tasbeeh) and asking for His forgiveness (Bukhari).

Allah wants you to be specific. The Prophet advised us to ask Allah for exactly what we want instead of making vague Duas. Dua is the essence of worship (the Prophet as quoted in Tirmidhi).

"Call on your Lord with humility and in private: for Allah loveth not those who trespass beyond bounds. Do not make mischief on the earth, after it hath been set in order, but call on Him with fear. And longing (in your hearts): for the mercy of Allah is (always) near to those who do good" (Quran 7:55-56).

2. Tie your Camel: DO YOUR PART

One day Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, noticed a Bedouin leaving his camel without tying it. He asked the Bedouin, "Why don't you tie down your camel?" The Bedouin answered, "I put my trust in Allah." The Prophet then said, "Tie your camel first, then put your trust in Allah" (Tirmidhi).

Muslims must never become fatalistic.  Although we know only Allah is in control and that He has decreed all things, we are each responsible for making the right choices and doing the right thing in all situations of our lives.  We must take action (link to planning articles on SV). We must work to alleviate the hardships we, our families and our communities face.

Ask yourself the following questions if you are worried about the state of the world: are you part of the peace movement? Is your Masjid part of the peace movement? Are you part of an interfaith group with an agenda of peace and justice? Are you working with a group fighting discrimination? If your answer is no, it is time that you sat down to plan your share of time and money in finding solutions to the problems you face.

"Verily Allah does not change men's condition unless they change their inner selves" (Quran 13: 11).

Turn each worry into a Du`a and each Du`a into an action plan. That will show your commitment to your request and will focus your energy in the right direction.

3. Remember that human responsibility is limited

While we need to carry out our duty to the best of our abilities, always remember that you don't control the outcome of events. Even the Prophets did not control the outcome of their efforts. Some were successful, others were not. Once you have done your duty, leave the results to Allah. Regardless of the results of your efforts, you will be rewarded for the part you have played.

However, never underestimate your abilities. Understand the concept of Barakah (blessings from Allah) and remember that Allah can and Insha Allah will expand them if you are sincerely exerting your energies for the right path.

4. Leave the world behind you FIVE TIMES A DAY

Use the five daily prayers as a means to become more Hereafter-oriented and less attached to this temporary world. Start distancing yourself as soon as you hear Adhan, the call to prayer. When you perform Wudu, keep repeating Shahada, the declaration of faith, as water drops slip down your face, hands, arms, and hair. When you stand ready to pray, mentally prepare yourself to leave this world and all of its worries and stresses behind you.

Of course, Shaytan will try to distract you during prayer. But whenever this happens, go back and remember Allah. The more you return, the more Allah will reward you for it. Also, make sure your Sajdas (prostrations) are talking Sajdas, in which you are really connecting to God and seeking His Mercy, praising Him, and asking His forgiveness. (link to Sajda article...ramadan page)

5. Seek help through SABR

Seek help through Sabr and Salat (Quran 2:45).

This instruction from Allah provides us with two critical tools that can ease our worries and pain. Patience and prayer are two oft-neglected stressbusters.  Sabr is often translated as patience but it is not just that.  It includes self-control, perseverance, endurance, and a focused struggle to achieve one's goal. Unlike patience, which implies resignation, the concept of Sabr includes a duty to remain steadfast to achieve your goals despite all odds.

Being patient gives us control in situations where we feel we have little or no control. 'We cannot control what happens to us but we can control our reaction to our circumstances' is the mantra of many modern-day self-help books. Patience helps us keep our mind and attitude towards our difficulties in check.

6. Excuse Me! You are Not Running the World, HE is.

It is important to remind ourselves that we don't control all the variables in the world. God does. He is the Wise, the All-Knowing. Sometimes our limited human faculties are not able to comprehend His wisdom behind what happens to us and to others, but knowing that He is in control and that as human beings we submit to His Will, enriches our humanity and enhances our obedience (Uboodiah in Arabic) towards him. Read the story of the encounter of Moses with the mysteries behind God's decision (Quran: 18:60-82). Familiarize yourself with God's 99 Names, which are also known as His Attributes. It is a powerful way of knowing Him.

"God-there is no deity save Him, the Ever-Living, the Self-Subsistent Fount of All being. Neither slumber overtakes Him, nor sleep. His is all that is in the heavens and all that is on earth. Who is there that could intercede with Him, unless it be by His leave? He knows all that lies open before men and all that is hidden from them, whereas they cannot attain to aught of His knowledge save that which He wills them to attain. His eternal power overspreads the heavens and the earth, and their upholding wearies Him not. And He alone is truly exalted, tremendous." (Quran 2:255).

The Prophet recommended reading this verse, known as Ayat al kursi, after each prayer, Allah's peace and blessings be upon him. Once Ali, may Allah be pleased with him, approached the Prophet during a difficult time and he found the Prophet in Sajda, where he kept repeating "Ya Hayy Ya Qayyum", words which are part of this verse.

7. Birds Don't Carry their Food

Allah is al Razzaq (the Provider).

"How many are the creatures that carry not their own sustenance? It is Allah Who feeds them and you, for He hears and knows all things (Quran 29:60)."

By reminding yourself that He is the Provider, you will remember that getting a job or providing for your family in these economically and politically challenging times, when Muslims are often the last to be hired and the first to be fired, is in God's Hands, not yours. As Allah says in the Quran:

"And He provides for him from (sources) he never could imagine. And if anyone puts his trust in Allah, sufficient is (Allah) for him. For Allah will surely accomplish His purpose. Verily, for all things has Allah appointed a due proportion (Quran 65:3).

8. God controls Life and Death

If you fear for your physical safety and security, remember that only Allah gives life and takes it back and, that He has appointed the time for it. No one can harm you except if Allah wills. As He says in the Quran:

"Wherever you are, death will find you out, even if you are in towers built up strong and high!" (Quran 4:78).

9. Remember that life is short

It's easy to get caught up in our own stress and anxiety. However, if we remember that our life is short and temporary, and that the everlasting life is in the Hereafter, this will put our worries in perspective.

This belief in the transitory nature of the life of this world reminds us that whatever difficulties, trials, anxieties, and grief we suffer in this world are, Insha Allah, something we will only experience for a short period of time. And more importantly, if we handle these tests with patience, Allah will reward us for it.

10. Do Zikr, Allah, Allah!

"... without doubt in the remembrance (Zikr) of Allah do hearts find tranquility"
(Quran 13:28).

If you commute, use your time in Zikr. Pick any Tasbeeh and do that instead of listening to the radio or reading the newspaper. Maybe you can divide it up between Zikr and planning. Personally, I recite the Tasbeeh of "Subhana Allahe wa be hamdihi, subhan Allahil Azeem" 100 times as I drive. The Prophet taught us these two short phrases which are easy to say but will weigh heavy on our scale of good deeds in the Hereafter.

When your heart feels heavy with stress or grief, remember Allah and surround yourself with His Zikr.  Zikr refers to all forms of the remembrance of Allah, including Salat, Tasbeeh, Tahmeed, Tahleel, making supplication (Dua), and reading Quran.

"And your Lord says: 'Call on Me; I will answer your (prayer)..." (Quran 40:60)

By remembering Allah in the way He has taught us to, we are more likely to gain acceptance of our prayers and His Mercy in times of difficulty. We are communicating with the only One Who not only Hears and Knows all, but Who can change our situation and give us the patience to deal with our difficulties.

"Remember Me, and I shall remember you; be grateful to Me, and deny Me not"
(Quran 2:152).

11. Relying on Allah: Tawakkul

When you awaken in the morning, thank Allah for giving you life after that short death called sleep. When you step out of your home, say 'in Your Name Allah, I put my trust in Allah, and there is no power or force except with Allah' (Bismillahi Tawakal to al Allah wa la hawla wa la quwwata illa billah). At night, remember Allah, with His praises on your lips.

Once you have established a plan you intend to follow through on to deal with a specific issue or problem in your life, put your trust in the most Wise and the All-Knowing.

"When you have taken a decision, put your trust in Allah" (Quran 3: 159).

Rely on Allah by constantly remembering Him throughout your day. When you
lay down to sleep, remember that sleep is death. That is why one of the recommended supplications before going to sleep is "with Your (Allah's) Name I die and become alive".

12. Connect with other human beings

You are not alone. Muslims are not alone. We are not suffering in silence. There are millions of good people who are not Muslim with beautiful hearts and minds. These are people who have supported us, individually and collectively, post-9/11, by checking up on us and making sure we are safe. These are individuals and organizations who have spoken up in defense of Muslims as we endured harassment and discrimination.

We must think of them, talk to them, connect with them, and pray for them. Through our connections, we will break the chain of isolation that leads to depression and anxiety.

13. Compare your dining table with that of those who don't have as much as you do

The Prophet said: Whenever you see someone better than you in wealth, face or figure, you should look at someone who is inferior to you in these respects (so that you may thank Allah for His blessings) (Bukhari, Muslim).

Next time you sit down to eat, eye the table carefully. Check out the selection of food, the quality, the taste, the quantity, and then think of the millions of others who don't have even half as much. The Prophet's Hadith reminds us of this so that we can appreciate and thank God for all that we have.

Also remember that the Prophet only encouraged us to compare ourselves to others in two respects: in our Islamic knowledge and level of belief in God (Deen). In these two areas, we should compare ourselves with those who have more than what we do.

14. Say it Loud: Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar: Takbirat & Adhan

Find a corner of a lake, go out in the wilderness, or even stand on your lawn at your home and call the Adhan with your heart. While driving, instead of listening to the same news over and over again, say Allahu Akbar as loudly as you can or as softly as you want, based on your mood. Year ago, I remember calling Adhan on a Lake Michigan shore in Chicago after sunset as the water gushed against my knees. I was calling it for myself. There was no one else accept the waves after waves of water with their symphony. It was relaxing and meaningful. Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar.

15. Pray in congregation (Jamat)

Pray with other people instead of alone. If you can't pray all five prayers in congregation, at least find one or two prayers you can pray with others. If you are away, establish Jamat in your own family. During the Prophet's time, even though the Muslims endured great persecution, including physical beatings, they would sometimes meet on the side of a mountain or valley and tried to pray together. This is a great morale booster.

16. How is your Imam's Dua?

Does the Imam at your local mosque make Dua silently or out loud? Ask him to supplicate with the whole congregation. Suggest Duas for him to make. Ask him to make Dua for other people.

17. Work for the Unity of Muslims

Bringing Muslims together will not only help the Muslims, but it will also encourage you to focus your energies on something constructive versus zeroing in on and consistently fretting about difficulties you are going through.

Invite Muslims from other ethnic groups to your functions. Visit Masjids other than yours in your city. When you meet a Muslim leader, after thanking him for his efforts, ask him what he is doing for Muslim unity. Ask Imams to make Dua for this. These are just small ways you can help yourself and the Muslim community.

18. Sleep the way the Prophet slept

End your day on a positive note. Make Wudu, then think of your day. Thank Allah for all the good things you accomplished, like Zikr and Salat. Ask yourself what you did today to bring humanity together and what you did to help Muslims become servants of humanity. For everything positive, say Alhamdu lillah (Praise be to Allah). For everything negative say Astaghfirullah wa atoobo ilayk (I seek Allah's forgiveness and I turn to You [Allah]). Recite the last two chapters of the Quran, thinking and praying as you turn on your right side with your hand below your right cheek, the way the Prophet used to sleep. Then close your day with the name of Allah on your tongue. Insha Allah, you will have a good, restful night.

19. Begin the Day on a Positive Note

Get up early. Get up thanking God that He has given you another day. Alhamdu lillahil lazi ahyana bada ma amatana, wa ilaihin Nushoor (Praise be to Allah Who gave us life after death and unto Him will be the return). Invest in an audio tape driven alarm clock so you can get up to the melody of the Quran. Or Let Dawud Wharnsby's joyful notes put you in a good mood. Sing along if you like. Develop your to do list for the day if you didn't do it the night before. Begin with the name of Allah, with Whose name nothing in the heavens or the earth can hurt you. He is the Highest and the Greatest.

(Bismillahillazi la yazurru maa ismihi shaiun fil arze wa la fis samae, wahuwal Alee ul Azeem).The Prophet used to say this after every Fajr and Maghrib prayers.

20. Avoid Media Overexposure: Switch from News to Books

Don't spend too much time checking out the news on the radio, television or internet. Spend more time reading good books and journals. When you listen to the persistent barrage of bad news, especially relating to Muslims nowadays, you feel not only depressed, but powerless. Cut down media time to reduce your stress and anxiety. It's important to know what's going on but not to an extent that it ruins your day or your mood. (similarly, when you are in a sad mood, refrain from wallowing and listening to sad songs)

21. Pray for Others to Heal Yourself.

The Prophet was always concerned about other people, Muslims and non-Muslims, and would regularly pray for them. Praying for others connects you with them and helps you understand their suffering. This in itself has a healing component to it. The Prophet has said that praying for someone who is not present increases love.

22. Make the Quran your Partner

Reading and listening to the Quran will help refresh our hearts and our minds. Recite it out loud or in a low voice. Listen to it in the car. When you are praying Nafl or extra prayers, pick it up and use it to recite portions of the Quran you are not as familiar with. Connecting to the Quran means connecting to God. Let it be a means to heal your heart of stress and worries. Invest in different recordings of the Quran and their translations.

"O humanity! There has come to you a direction from your Lord and a cure for all [the ills] in men's hearts - and for those who believe, a Guidance and a Mercy" (Quran 10:57).

23. Be thankful to Allah

"If you are grateful, I will give you more" (Quran 14:7).

Counting our blessings helps us not only be grateful for what we have, but it also reminds us that we are so much better off than millions of others, whether that is in terms of our health, family, financial situation, or other aspects of our life. And being grateful for all we have helps us maintain a positive attitude in the face of worries and challenges we are facing almost daily.

24. Ideals: ONE STEP AT A TIME

Ideals are wonderful things to pursue. But do that gradually. Think, prioritize, plan, and move forward. One step at a time.

25. EFFORTS not Results Count in the Eyes of Allah

Our success depends on our sincere efforts to the best of our abilities. It is the mercy of Allah that He does not demand results, Alhamdu lillah. He is happy if He finds us making our best sincere effort. Thank you Allah!


Stress management strategy #1: Avoid unnecessary stress

Not all stress can be avoided, and it’s not healthy to avoid a situation that needs to be addressed. You may be surprised, however, by the number of stressors in your life that you can eliminate.
  • Learn how to say “no” – Know your limits and stick to them. Whether in your personal or professional life, refuse to accept added responsibilities when you’re close to reaching them. Taking on more than you can handle is a surefire recipe for stress.
  • Avoid people who stress you out – If someone consistently causes stress in your life and you can’t turn the relationship around, limit the amount of time you spend with that person or end the relationship entirely.
  • Take control of your environment – If the evening news makes you anxious, turn the TV off. If traffic’s got you tense, take a longer but less-traveled route. If going to the market is an unpleasant chore, do your grocery shopping online.
  • Avoid hot-button topics – If you get upset over religion or politics, cross them off your conversation list. If you repeatedly argue about the same subject with the same people, stop bringing it up or excuse yourself when it’s the topic of discussion.
  • Pare down your to-do list – Analyze your schedule, responsibilities, and daily tasks. If you’ve got too much on your plate, distinguish between the “shoulds” and the “musts.” Drop tasks that aren’t truly necessary to the bottom of the list or eliminate them entirely.

Stress management strategy #2: Alter the situation

If you can’t avoid a stressful situation, try to alter it. Figure out what you can do to change things so the problem doesn’t present itself in the future. Often, this involves changing the way you communicate and operate in your daily life.
  • Express your feelings instead of bottling them up. If something or someone is bothering you, communicate your concerns in an open and respectful way. If you don’t voice your feelings, resentment will build and the situation will likely remain the same.
  • Be willing to compromise. When you ask someone to change their behavior, be willing to do the same. If you both are willing to bend at least a little, you’ll have a good chance of finding a happy middle ground.
  • Be more assertive. Don’t take a backseat in your own life. Deal with problems head on, doing your best to anticipate and prevent them. If you’ve got an exam to study for and your chatty roommate just got home, say up front that you only have five minutes to talk.
  • Manage your time better. Poor time management can cause a lot of stress. When you’re stretched too thin and running behind, it’s hard to stay calm and focused. But if you plan ahead and make sure you don’t overextend yourself, you can alter the amount of stress you’re under.

Stress management strategy #3: Adapt to the stressor

If you can’t change the stressor, change yourself. You can adapt to stressful situations and regain your sense of control by changing your expectations and attitude.
  • Reframe problems. Try to view stressful situations from a more positive perspective. Rather than fuming about a traffic jam, look at it as an opportunity to pause and regroup, listen to your favorite radio station, or enjoy some alone time.
  • Look at the big picture. Take perspective of the stressful situation. Ask yourself how important it will be in the long run. Will it matter in a month? A year? Is it really worth getting upset over? If the answer is no, focus your time and energy elsewhere.
  • Adjust your standards. Perfectionism is a major source of avoidable stress. Stop setting yourself up for failure by demanding perfection. Set reasonable standards for yourself and others, and learn to be okay with “good enough.”
  • Focus on the positive. When stress is getting you down, take a moment to reflect on all the things you appreciate in your life, including your own positive qualities and gifts. This simple strategy can help you keep things in perspective.

Adjusting Your Attitude

How you think can have a profound effect on your emotional and physical well-being. Each time you think a negative thought about yourself, your body reacts as if it were in the throes of a tension-filled situation. If you see good things about yourself, you are more likely to feel good; the reverse is also true. Eliminate words such as "always," "never," "should," and "must." These are telltale marks of self-defeating thoughts.

Stress management strategy #4: Accept the things you can’t change

Some sources of stress are unavoidable. You can’t prevent or change stressors such as the death of a loved one, a serious illness, or a national recession. In such cases, the best way to cope with stress is to accept things as they are. Acceptance may be difficult, but in the long run, it’s easier than railing against a situation you can’t change.
  • Don’t try to control the uncontrollable. Many things in life are beyond our control— particularly the behavior of other people. Rather than stressing out over them, focus on the things you can control such as the way you choose to react to problems.
  • Look for the upside. As the saying goes, “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” When facing major challenges, try to look at them as opportunities for personal growth. If your own poor choices contributed to a stressful situation, reflect on them and learn from your mistakes.
  • Share your feelings. Talk to a trusted friend or make an appointment with a therapist. Expressing what you’re going through can be very cathartic, even if there’s nothing you can do to alter the stressful situation.
  • Learn to forgive. Accept the fact that we live in an imperfect world and that people make mistakes. Let go of anger and resentments. Free yourself from negative energy by forgiving and moving on.

Stress management strategy #5: Make time for fun and relaxation

Beyond a take-charge approach and a positive attitude, you can reduce stress in your life by nurturing yourself. If you regularly make time for fun and relaxation, you’ll be in a better place to handle life’s stressors when they inevitably come.

Healthy ways to relax and recharge

  • Go for a walk.
  • Spend time in nature.
  • Call a good friend.
  • Sweat out tension with a good workout.
  • Write in your journal.
  • Take a long bath.
  • Light scented candles.
  • Savor a warm cup of coffee or tea.
  • Play with a pet.
  • Work in your garden.
  • Get a massage.
  • Curl up with a good book.
  • Listen to music.
  • Watch a comedy.
Don’t get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life that you forget to take care of your own needs. Nurturing yourself is a necessity, not a luxury.
  • Set aside relaxation time. Include rest and relaxation in your daily schedule. Don’t allow other obligations to encroach. This is your time to take a break from all responsibilities and recharge your batteries.
  • Connect with others. Spend time with positive people who enhance your life. A strong support system will buffer you from the negative effects of stress.
  • Do something you enjoy every day. Make time for leisure activities that bring you joy, whether it be stargazing, playing the piano, or working on your bike.
  • Keep your sense of humor. This includes the ability to laugh at yourself. The act of laughing helps your body fight stress in a number of ways.

Stress management strategy #6: Adopt a healthy lifestyle

You can increase your resistance to stress by strengthening your physical health.
  • Exercise regularly. Physical activity plays a key role in reducing and preventing the effects of stress. Make time for at least 30 minutes of exercise, three times per week. Nothing beats aerobic exercise for releasing pent-up stress and tension.
  • Eat a healthy diet. Well-nourished bodies are better prepared to cope with stress, so be mindful of what you eat. Start your day right with breakfast, and keep your energy up and your mind clear with balanced, nutritious meals throughout the day.
  • Reduce caffeine and sugar. The temporary "highs" caffeine and sugar provide often end in with a crash in mood and energy. By reducing the amount of coffee, soft drinks, chocolate, and sugar snacks in your diet, you’ll feel more relaxed and you’ll sleep better.
  • Avoid alcohol, cigarettes, and drugs. Self-medicating with alcohol or drugs may provide an easy escape from stress, but the relief is only temporary. Don’t avoid or mask the issue at hand; deal with problems head on and with a clear mind.
  • Get enough sleepAdequate sleep fuels your mind, as well as your body. Feeling tired will increase your stress because it may cause you to think irrationally.

Thursday, 11 October 2012


BUKAN SAJA-SAJA ALLAH meletakkanmu dalam BIDANG itu..


BUKAN SAJA-SAJA ALLAH memberikan UJIAN sebegitu..

BUKAN SAJA-SAJA ALLAH membiarkanmu mengemudi dalam KEADAAN sebegitu..

MELAINKAN ALLAH tahu kamu akan memberikan sesuatu dalam bidang itu..

MELAINKAN ALLAH tahu kamu bakal membiakkan ilmu-ilmu itu..

MELAINKAN ALLAH akan temukan kamu dengan insan-insan ikhlas membantu..

MELAINKAN ALLAH mahu menguatkanmu..

MELAINKAN ALLAH mahu kamu tahu betapa tingginya kasih sayangNYA padamu..


Thursday, 13 September 2012

How to Understand the Male Ego

  1. (Dear all, I found this article on the internet (wiki) and I would like to share this good readings with you. Happy reading!)

  2. Recognize that he's not from Mars. Men and women are much more alike than many people would like to admit. He's a human being just like you, with feelings and thoughts and personal beliefs. So don't get caught up in thinking that you two will never be able to understand each other, because sometimes you just have to open up and accept each other's views without wanting to change them. Men have just as wide a range of emotions as women. That being said, men's emotions often center around different things than women--sports teams, favorite childhood toys, even special TV shows. Make the effort to get to know a man's secret passions and you'll unlock his affections towards other things, like you!

  3. 2
    You're not his mother. You really aren't. Please, don't try to be. When articles talk about how men are looking for women who remind them of their mothers, you can be pretty sure the nagging, tyrannical harpy demanding we clean our rooms is not what we're after. Even if you're a man also, don't try to turn a sloppy guy into a neat guy, or make a straight laced guy into a booze hound. What we're really looking for is someone who makes us feel safe, protected, and for the love of Pete, accepted. Accept us as we are (and tell us that you do so!), and you'll have a loyal partner for as long as you can stand him.
  4. 3
    His barriers are generally of his own making. Men who are happy are confident, and therefore are more attractive. Men with less confidence generally become unhappy with their lot in life, and so start a vicious cycle where their bad moods make them less and less attractive. For all you men reading, find a way to break the cycle. Get a dog, quit your job, buy a guitar, anything. Nothing is less sexy than crushing self-pity. If you want to help a man who seems caught in one of these cycles, try to bring him back to a place of normalcy--a road trip with a good buddy, a weekend away from his distractions, or anything to remind him of who he really is. Warning: if his problem is you, this exercise will exacerbate your troubles; if you really love him, you really should let him go.
  5. 4
    Understand where he's coming from. Single men are at their most emotionally fragile times when encountering new relationships--social pressures to "be the man," emotional issues about present and past relationships, and sex confuse both parties' emotions by sometimes creating the illusion of an infatuation that isn't there. Communication, rather than sex, should be free-flowing early in the relationship. Both partners need to get their footing in relation to one another, so replacing intimacy with sex is unhelpful. Men will respond to sexual cues (who doesn't love pleasure?), but oftentimes will be fundamentally confused as to the nature of the relationship when based only on non-verbal communication.
  6. 5
    Don't rush him, even if he wants you to. This is most evident in flirting and courtship, where many men mistake infatuation and emotional rush for "true" emotions, often jumping headlong into emotionally risky situations like sex, weekend trips, meeting parents, etc. This rush is unavoidable, and any attempt to ameliorate it by either increasing or decreasing intimacy will not dissuade men from believing their feelings at the time to be their "true" feelings. Thus, it is advisable not to radically change your schedule for your partner immediately--incorporate boring getting-to-know-you dates early on to encourage a sense of reality in both partners. Plus, imagine the sexual tension you'll build up by making yourself seem like a challenge!
    • That having been said, potential partners are still obliged to make their intentions clear. Players who are "just having fun" or "just playing the field" should know that they are doing so at the expense of their man's emotions. Stringing a guy along for free food or booze, attention (see Warning section on male validation, a.k.a. daddy issues!), or starting side projects while involved in relationships already, and you've got a perfect storm of emotion-crushing. Consider it relationship karma: if you don't want to be played, don't play.
  7. 6
    Get to know his feelings on intimacy prior to sex. Most everybody loves sex. Men will love sex whether it comes fast or slow in the relationship. Let sex be a natural outgrowth of intimacy; actively dissuade your partner from jumping straight to sex by encouraging public intimacy--hand-holding, walking arm-in-arm, and other family-friendly PDA. Pair-bonding is a fundamentally social experience, so if you're not comfortable kissing your man in public, you shouldn't be bedding him in private.
  8. 7
    Share private details from your pasts. Ask your man to reciprocate; you might be surprised, even mortified, by the honesty of your man. Many guys are desperately looking for someone to understand what they've gone through, so a great intimacy-builder is privacy-sharing. Notice that you don't want to go overboard with this...
    • Be wary in privacy-sharing of "Mr Fix-It." There exists the desire in all of us (both men and women) to solve problems. Traditional male jobs often encourage problem-solving skills, so this might be very pronounced in an engineer or a managerial partner. However, most emotional problems require a listening ear, not a fixing tool; if you don't want him to fix your problems, but do want him to understand where you're coming from, tell him to deactivate that part of his brain for a minute. There's nothing wrong with simply saying "I need a minute to vent without judgment or opinion, okay?" Also, make sure you know the difference--wrapping a problem in the relationship in the guise of a story from your childhood is an example of an IED (improvised explosive discussion--see Warning section below).
  9. 8
    Realize that men want to be playful. This is not to say that you should encourage sloppy or lazy boyfriends, but keep in mind that you shouldn't try to clean up after him, change his habits, or any other mothering tactics. A better way to look at his slovenly nature is that men generally are chasing after one ideal throughout their lives: play. Reaching that blissful state of unworried play is often the entire goal of men's careers, whether it comes through monetary security, dangerous forms of employment and recreation, or even just through a gambling or drinking habit. While some men take it too far, most men are simply looking to have fun; his video games, golf clubs, or cigar collection may be his ticket to Nirvana!
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    Learn what he wants from how he interacts with his friends. Men everywhere seek this unworried mind, this state of play, through games and hobbies and even relationships; most men, when asked, have remained long-term partners with their wives because they consider the wife a "best friend"--that is, someone who increases their possibility of playfulness. If you are of the drama-seeking bent (Twilighters!), you may disagree; but which is more important--long-term stability, or the temporary insanity of brief, charged, often highly sexual encounters that invariably end as quickly and emotionally as they started? The vast majority of single men, just like single women, are out there looking for a simpler, happier, less tragic kind of love.


  • Statistically, men are more single-minded in their pursuits than women, preferring one activity at a time to multitasking. If you want your man to really pay attention, don't bother disrupting a gaming session or poker night. You're better off scheduling sit-down time with him when neither of you are distracted.
  • If you want to talk about something serious but don't want Mr. Fix-It, connect your desire to share with his own . Example: "Hon, I need to share something important with you, like that one time you told me what happened to you in gym class." Note: avoid IEDs if you want to avoid a major fight--guys never forget their most shameful experiences, so don't cheapen them by trying to score points in the present argument.
  • Everybody should know by now that guys aren't mind-readers, but they are also as stubborn as mules when it comes to their emotions. Gals--be aware that your guy friend might want more than friendship. If you don't feel the same way, make sure you let him know a.s.a.p. Many guys twist in the wind for months because they can't (or won't) interpret subtle brush-off signs, or figure that friendship will lead somewhere eventually. Surrounding yourself with doormat guys who will never act on their desire to have sex with you does not count as having friends; it's just attention-seeking behavior (see Warning section below).
  • In this age of heightened awareness to rape, sexual assault, and harassment, women should get used to men abdicating making the first move. It is simply more pragmatic for women to make first moves in establishing relationships. With beautiful women the subject of affections from numerous men, it's simpler for the woman to choose the man she wants to be with, rather than have several men fight over her like she's a hockey trophy; this can also be attention-seeking behavior, if the woman in question purposefully plays several men against each other for her affections (Example: Bella in the Twilight series. Yes, I went there.)
  • If you are a drama queen (or king), learn to recognize the difference between an actual issue or problem between you and your partner from an excuse to fight or bring up past grievances. Realize that the present argument may be just a cover for some other larger issue that has gone undisclosed and left to fester. The next time you feel yourself unable to stop yourself from arguing, ask yourself (or your partner) where this anger is really coming from. If your partner is unable to provide you with an answer, end the conversation until you both have a chance to calm down and identify the root problem. Otherwise, your tiny relationship cavity will become a huge seething relationship abscess!


  • IED: Improvised Explosive Discussion, or anything that you know will be difficult to talk about, so you will wrap it in something innocuous to ease its passage into conversation. Wrapping questions of "where is this relationship going?" in discussions of what movie to see that night is an example. If you're worried, tell him you're worried. Nobody responds well to discussions that rapidly change course and importance.
  • On sharing private details (discussed above): don't compete. If your man has a tragic experience, you can tell him your even-more-tragic experience, but maybe you will want to save that detail for the next conversation. Sharing is difficult enough for men in American society--don't make it seem like you're beating his worst with your worst.
  • Attention-Seeking Behavior: Everybody wants attention, and that's fine. What's not fine is manipulating the feelings of others to get that attention. Examples include: starting fights with no grievance, or in a public place; setting ultimatums; depriving your partner of their own home or their own bed for your emotions; turning on the waterworks (enhanced crying and/or tantrum throwing for effect); getting violent because you know he can't or won't reciprocate. Even more dastardly behaviors include involving the kids in arguments (if you have them), blaming current strife on your partner's past, or (lowest of all blows) impugning your partner's masculinity. If your partner (male or female) persists in any of these behaviors, feel free to DTB (Dump That B****, or Bastard).
  • Daddy Issues: Male validation is sorely lacking in today's culture--whether through the spike in fatherless households, the general disappearance of local business owners, or the outsourcing of tough labor to other countries, we're losing touch with our men. Some men try to capitalize on this dearth by attempting to fill this hole for a role model, father figure, or big sweaty man-hug; unfortunately, this is also manipulation, as nobody should ever be required to fulfill someone else's emotional circuit. Men who encourage this co-dependency should be avoided like the pedo-bears that they are, and women who seek this sort of validation should get their rocks off in an honest job as an exotic dancer or a sex worker. Above all else, don't join or start a cult, or some freaky pseudo-polyamory group that recruits and renames cadres of impressionable youths to be snacks for their depraved leaders. That way lies the dark side.
  • Not all men either have or want emotions, just like women; however, you will most likely be able to tell the emotional men apart from emotion-less men because emotional men don't treat relationships like a game. Competition, bravado, machismo--these are emotionally stunting characteristics in human society, creating boundaries, teams, conflict, and ultimately hostility. Men that delight in emotional combat are not generally reliable long-term partners, as they tend to turn on their own partners just as readily as their fellow competitors.

Thursday, 30 August 2012

Burnout Vs Depression

Often at work, we are overwhelmed by deadlines, tasks, colleagues and many others and eventually, we become stressful and some of us might suffer from some psychological disorder. Below is some information about burnout and depression.

Burnout Vs Depression


Burnout is when a person feels exhausted after a long stretch of productivity while under stress. Depression is a mental illness of uncertain origin, but genetics and environment might play major roles.

Time Frame

Burnout tends to last for a limited span of time, often sparked by a long time at a stressful job. The Mayo Clinic reports that minor depression might last only a short time, but other types of depression are for life.


According to "Job Burnout" (Christina Maslach, et al; Annual Review of Psychology; February 2001), burnout is identified by "exhaustion, cynicism and inefficiency." Depression often leaves people hopeless, disinterested in life and suffering from chronic body aches.


There is no way known to prevent depression. It is currently unknown how to prevent burnout, but Rutgers University suggests that employers and employees need to communicate frequently and assume nothing.


The "bible" of mental disorders is the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, 4th Edition (DSM-IV.) It lists depression but not burnout.

Sunday, 26 August 2012

Women and Spies

“Women have always been spies.” 
― Harriet RubinThe Princessa: Machiavelli For Women


“It does good to no woman to be flattered [by a man] who does not intend to marry her; and it is madness in all women to let a secret love kindle within them, which, if unreturned and unknown, must devour the life that feeds it; and, if discovered and responded to, must lead, ignis-fatuus-like, into miry wilds whence there is no extrication.” 
― Charlotte BrontëJane Eyre

Woman's Love

“Nothing on this planet can compare with a woman’s love—it is kind and compassionate, patient and nurturing, generous and sweet and unconditional. Pure. If you are her man, she will walk on water and through a mountain for you, too, no matter how you’ve acted out, no matter what crazy thing you’ve done, no matter the time or demand. If you are her man, she will talk to you until there just aren’t any more words left to say, encourage you when you’re at rock bottom and think there just isn’t any way out, hold you in her arms when you’re sick, and laugh with you when you’re up. And if you’re her man and that woman loves you—I mean really loves you?—she will shine you up when you’re dusty, encourage you when you’re down, defend you even when she’s not so sure you were right, and hang on your every word, even when you’re not saying anything worth listening to. And no matter what you do, no matter how many times her friends say you’re no good, no matter how many times you slam the door on the relationship, she will give you her very best and then some, and keep right on trying to win over your heart, even when you act like everything she’s done to convince you she’s The One just isn’t good enough.
That’s a woman’s love—it stands the test of time, logic, and all circumstance.
Well, I’m here to tell you that expecting that kind of love— that perfection—from a man is unrealistic. That’s right, I said it—it’s not gonna happen, no way, no how. Because a man’s 
love isn’t like a woman’s love.” 
― Steve Harvey

Friday, 24 August 2012

Sista Ovari Ancam Wanita Dalam Diam Oleh Hafizah Iszahanid

By Hafizah Iszahanid

BAGI wanita yang sihat, setiap bulan ketika berlakunya kitaran menstruasi, telur dikeluarkan dari satu ovari untuk proses yang dinamakan ovulasi (ovulation). Telur ini melalui tiub fallopian ke rahim.

Secara terperinci, ovari adalah sumber utama hormon estrogen dan progesterone wanita. Hormon ini mempengaruhi proses pertumbuhan payu dara, bentuk badan dan rambut. Ia juga mengawal kitaran menstruasi dan kehamilan.

Tetapi jika anda mula berhadapan dengan haid yang tidak teratur, tertunda atau sakit ketika datang haid atau tanda-tanda seperti bengkak dalam abdomen, berat badan bertambah, kesakitan ketika bersama suami, tumbuhnya banyak bulu roma pada wajah, berjaga-jaga akan kemungkinan anda berhadapan dengan sista ovari.

Sista atau ketumbuhan ovari merupakan kantung cecair dalam ovari. Ia bagaimanapun boleh berada di mana-mana saja dalam tubuh seseorang. Jika ia berada dalam ovari, sista yang terbentuk biasanya bersifat ‘functional cyst’ .

Biasanya sista ovari itu bersifat benigna yang tidak akan berubah menjadi barah. Tetapi sebahagian daripada sista benigna ini memerlukan rawatan jika ia tidak hilang seperti kebiasaannya.

Jenis sista ovari

1. Functional Cysts – ‘sista fungsi’ sangat lazim berlaku. Dikaitkan dengan kelainan dari fungsi ovari yang normal, apabila telur cuba dikeluarkan seperti dalam proses ovulasi. Ia akan menghilang dalam tempoh sebulan hingga empat bulan.

2. Endometriomas – terbentuk pada wanita yang berhadapan dengan endometriosis, apabila tisu dari lapisan uterus membesar di luar uterus. Tisu ini mungkin terkena ovari dan mula membesar. Sista jenis ini mungkin akan mendatangkan kesakitan ketika hubungan kelamin dan ketika haid.

3. Sista folikel & korpus luteum – terbentuk apabila folikel yang menghasilkan telur dalam ovari membesar dan dipenuhi cecair. Korpus luteum pula jisim tisu berwarna kuning yang terhasil daripada folikel selepas ovulasi.

4. Sista neoplasma – dermoid, mengandungi pelbagai tisu seperti gigi, rambut, serpihan tulang – ovari polisistik, disebabkan timbunan sista-sista kecil yang berganda dan berlakunya ketidakseimbangan hormon.

Simpton sista ovari selalunya sukar dikesan sebagai simpton oleh sesetengah orang. Biasanya ia ditemui secara tidak sengaja ketika pemeriksaan pelvis. Apabila sista dikesan, imbasan perlu dilakukan untuk mendapatkan imej lebih jelas berserta ukuran, lokasi dan sama ada ia bersifat ‘solid’, dipenuhi cecair atau bercampur.

Untuk mengetahui jika sista ini mungkin barah, doktor biasanya akan membuat ujian darah untuk mengukur kehadiran bahan dalam darah yang dikenali sebagai CA-125.

Tetapi ujian CA-125 ini biasanya untuk wanita berusia 35 tahun ke atas yang lebih terdedah kepada penyakit ini.

Rawatan sista ovari bergantung kepada beberapa perkara, antaranya saiz dan jenis sista, usia (sama ada dalam tahun-tahun yang subur atau sudah putus haid), keinginan mendapatkan anak, tahap kesihatan secara total dan tahap serius gejala yang dialami.

Tetapi kaedah rawatan sista ovari ini biasanya menerusi pembedahan (itu pun jika ia tidak menghilang selepas beberapa kitaran haid dan bertambah besar, mendatangkan kesakitan dan anda sudah diambang pra menopaus) doktor akan membuangnya menerusi prosedur laparoscopy atau laparotomy.

Jika tidak, pesakit akan diberikan perhatian dan diminta kerap membuat pemeriksaan dalam tempoh sebulan ke tiga bulan untuk melihat perkembangan pertumbuhan sista ini. Ini biasanya rawatan pilihan untuk wanita muda yang masih inginkan zuriat dan tidak memerlukan pembedahan sebagai jalan terakhir.

Wednesday, 22 August 2012

Do you understand?

“How many times have you tried to talk to someone about something that matters to you, tried to get them to see it the way you do? And how many of those times have ended with you feeling bitter, resenting them for making you feel like your pain doesn't have any substance after all?

Like when you've split up with someone, and you try to communicate the way you feel, because you need to say the words, need to feel that somebody understands just how pissed off and frightened you feel. The problem is, they never do. "Plenty more fish in the sea," they'll say, or "You're better off without them," or "Do you want some of these potato chips?" They never really understand, because they haven't been there, every day, every hour. They don't know the way things have been, the way that it's made you, the way it has structured your world. They'll never realise that someone who makes you feel bad may be the person you need most in the world. They don't understand the history, the background, don't know the pillars of memory that hold you up. Ultimately, they don't know you well enough, and they never can. Everyone's alone in their world, because everybody's life is different. You can send people letters, and show them photos, but they can never come to visit where you live.

Unless you love them. And then they can burn it down.”
― Michael Marshall Smith, Only Forward

Get Off the Scale

"You are beautiful. Your beauty, just like your capacity for life, happiness, and success, is immeasurable. Day after day, countless people across the globe get on a scale in search of validation of beauty and social acceptance.

Get off the scale! I have yet to see a scale that can tell you how enchanting your eyes are. I have yet to see a scale that can show you how wonderful your hair looks when the sun shines its glorious rays on it. I have yet to see a scale that can thank you for your compassion, sense of humor, and contagious smile. Get off the scale because I have yet to see one that can admire you for your perseverance when challenged in life.

It’s true, the scale can only give you a numerical reflection of your relationship with gravity. That’s it. It cannot measure beauty, talent, purpose, life force, possibility, strength, or love. Don’t give the scale more power than it has earned. Take note of the number, then get off the scale and live your life. You are beautiful!”
― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free


“Tears, idle tears, I know not what they mean,
Tears from the depths of some devine despair
Rise in the heart, and gather to the eyes,
In looking on the happy autumn fields,
And thinking of the days that are no more.”
― Alfred Tennyson

It Is Your Life

“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
― Steve Jobs

Spread Your Wings

“I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you're going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.”
― C. JoyBell C.

Try Again

“It didn't make you noble to step away from something that wasnt working, even if you thought you were the reason for the malfunction. Especially then. It just made you a quitter. Because if you were the problem, chances were you could also be the solution. The only way to find out was to take another shot.”
― Sarah Dessen, Along for the Ride

Life is a Game

“Imagine life is a game in which you are juggling five balls. The balls are called work, family, health, friends, and integrity. And you're keeping all of them in the air. But one day you finally come to understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. The other four balls...are made of glass. If you drop one of these, it will be irrevocably scuffed, nicked, perhaps even shattered.”
― James Patterson, Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas

How Can I Be Reasonable?

“How can I be reasonable? To me our love was everything and you were my whole life. It is not very pleasant to realize that to you it was only an episode.”
― W. Somerset Maugham, The Painted Veil
You can get all A's and still flunk life ~ Walker Percy 'The Second Coming'.

The Point

“I know that the whole point—the only point—is to
find the things that matter, and hold on to them, and fight for them, and refuse to
let them go.”
― Lauren Oliver, Delirium


“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life, and it is the main obstacle between you and a shitty first draft. I think perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each stepping-stone just right, you won't have to die. The truth is that you will die anyway and that a lot of people who aren't even looking at their feet are going to do a whole lot better than you, and have a lot more fun while they're doing it.”
― Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life


“Life is a tapestry woven by the decisions we make.”
― Sherrilyn Kenyon, Kiss of the Night


“The aim of life is self-development. To realize one's nature perfectly - that is what each of us is here for.”
― Oscar Wilde

My Life

“My life is a perfect graveyard of buried hopes.”
― L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

It is You...

“I'd like to repeat the advice that I gave you before, in that I think you really should make a radical change in your lifestyle and begin to boldly do things which you may previously never have thought of doing, or been too hesitant to attempt. So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man's living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.

If you want to get more out of life, Ron, you must lose your inclination for monotonous security and adopt a helter-skelter style of life that will at first appear to you to be crazy. But once you become accustomed to such a life you will see its full meaning and its incredible beauty. And so, Ron, in short, get out of Salton City and hit the Road. I guarantee you will be very glad you did. But I fear that you will ignore my advice. You think that I am stubborn, but you are even more stubborn than me. You had a wonderful chance on your drive back to see one of the greatest sights on earth, the Grand Canyon, something every American should see at least once in his life. But for some reason incomprehensible to me you wanted nothing but to bolt for home as quickly as possible, right back to the same situation which you see day after day after day. I fear you will follow this same inclination in the future and thus fail to discover all the wonderful things that God has placed around us to discover.

Don't settle down and sit in one place. Move around, be nomadic, make each day a new horizon. You are still going to live a long time, Ron, and it would be a shame if you did not take the opportunity to revolutionize your life and move into an entirely new realm of experience.

You are wrong if you think Joy emanates only or principally from human relationships. God has placed it all around us. It is in everything and anything we might experience. We just have to have the courage to turn against our habitual lifestyle and engage in unconventional living.

My point is that you do not need me or anyone else around to bring this new kind of light in your life. It is simply waiting out there for you to grasp it, and all you have to do is reach for it. The only person you are fighting is yourself and your stubbornness to engage in new circumstances.”
― Jon Krakauer, Into the Wild

Learning to Let Go

“Learning to let go should be learned before learning to get. Life should be touched, not strangled. You’ve got to relax, let it happen at times, and at others move forward with it.”
― Ray Bradbury


“You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude
toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather
than allowing it to master you.”
― Brian Tracy


“Here's what I think, Mr. Wind-Up Bird," said May Kasahara. "Everybody's born with some different thing at the core of their existence. And that thing, whatever it is, becomes like a heat source that runs each person from the inside. I have one too, of course. Like everybody else. But sometimes it gets out of hand. It swells or shrinks inside me, and it shakes me up. What I'd really like to do is find a way to communicate that feeling to another person. But I can't seem to do it. They just don't get it. Of course, the problem could be that I'm not explaining it very well, but I think it's because they're not listening very well. They pretend to be listening, but they're not, really. So I get worked up sometimes, and I do some crazy things.”
― Haruki Murakami, The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle

It is Everybody!

“It's everybody, I mean. Everything everybody does is so — I don't know — not wrong, or even mean, or even stupid necessarily. But just so tiny and meaningless and — sad-making. And the worst part is, if you go bohemian or something crazy like that, you're conforming just as much only in a different way.”
― J.D. Salinger, Franny and Zooey

Two Types of People

“There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass! Who's been pinching my beer?
And at the other end of the bar the world is full of the other type of person, who has a broken glass, or a glass that has been carelessly knocked over (usually by one of the people calling for a larger glass) or who had no glass at all, because he was at the back of the crowd and had failed to catch the barman's eye. ”
― Terry Pratchett, The Truth

Roads Go Ever On

Roads go ever ever on,
Over rock and under tree,
By caves where never sun has shone,
By streams that never find the sea;
Over snow by winter sown,
And through the merry flowers of June,
Over grass and over stone,
And under mountains in the moon.

Roads go ever ever on,
Under cloud and under star.
Yet feet that wandering have gone
Turn at last to home afar.
Eyes that fire and sword have seen,
And horror in the halls of stone
Look at last on meadows green,
And trees and hills they long have known.

The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way,
Where many paths and errands meet.

The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with weary feet,
Until it joins some larger way,
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.

The Road goes ever on and on
Out from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone.
Let others follow, if they can!
Let them a journey new begin.
But I at last with weary feet
Will turn towards the lighted inn,
My evening-rest and sleep to meet.
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Goodbye & Death

To say goodbye is to die a little...

Do Not Stop!

“It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.”
― Confucius


“Sure, we'd faced some things as children that a lot of kids don't. Sure, Justin had qualified for his Junior de Sade Badge in his teaching methods for dealing with pain. We still hadn't learned, though, that growing up is all about getting hurt. And then getting over it. You hurt. You recover. You move on. Odds are pretty good you're just going to get hurt again. But each time, you learn something.

Each time, you come out of it a little stronger, and at some point you realize that there are more flavors of pain than coffee. There's the little empty pain of leaving something behind - graduating, taking the next step forward, walking out of something familiar and safe into the unknown. There's the big, whirling pain of life pending all of your plans and expectations. There's the sharp little pains of failure, and the more obscure aches of successes that didn't give you what you thought they would. There are the vicious, stabbing pains of hopes being torn up. The sweet little pains of finding others, giving them your love, and taking joy in their life they grow and learn. There's the steady pain of empathy that you shrug off so you can stand beside a wounded friend and help them bear their burdens.

And if you're very, very lucky, there are a very few blazing hot little pains you feel when you realized that you are standing in a moment of utter perfection, an instant of triumph, or happiness, or mirth which at the same time cannot possibly last - and yet will remain with you for life.

Everyone is down on pain, because they forget something important about it: Pain is for the living. Only the dead don't feel it.

Pain is a part of life. Sometimes it's a big part, and sometimes it isn't, but either way, it's a part of the big puzzle, the deep music, the great game. Pain does two things: It teaches you, tells you that you're alive. Then it passes away and leaves you changed. It leaves you wiser, sometimes. Sometimes it leaves you stronger. Either way, pain leaves its mark, and everything important that will ever happen to you in life is going to involve it in one degree or another.”

(Jim Butcher)

Dare to Be

When a new day begins, dare to smile gratefully.

When there is darkness, dare to be the first to shine a light.

When there is injustice, dare to be the first to condemn it.

When something seems difficult, dare to do it anyway.

When life seems to beat you down, dare to fight back.

When there seems to be no hope, dare to find some.

When you’re feeling tired, dare to keep going.

When times are tough, dare to be tougher.

When love hurts you, dare to love again.

When someone is hurting, dare to help them heal.

When another is lost, dare to help them find the way.

When a friend falls, dare to be the first to extend a hand.

When you cross paths with another, dare to make them smile.

When you feel great, dare to help someone else feel great too.

When the day has ended, dare to feel as you’ve done your best.

Dare to be the best you can –

At all times, Dare to be!

― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free
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